My name is Caleb Massey, I am lover and follower of Jesus Christ. I am from Smithfield, North Carolina. Even though I grew up in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday, and even went to a Christian school my entire life, I was very far from a relationship with my heavenly father. At the age of five I said a prayer to God and asked for salvation. They were insignificant words that meant nothing to me. In fact, it was just something to please my parents. So there I was, growing up in a Christian circle, doing the right things that were required of me. I grew up in an environment where it was all rules, and if we didn’t obey these man made rules we were condemned. I’m not condemning rules as unnecessary, but when they start mattering more then the person they are put in place to protect, they breed legalism.
I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I believed the lie that I was born this way
Around late elementary school I started being teased for being effeminate. No one at that age knew what being gay was so I was just considered girly. So then the hormone raging middle school years started. The teasing continued, but now it was my “friends” teasing me and now calling me gay. Over and over they teased me. As a result, I started believing them. I started looking at homosexual pornography at the age of twelve. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I believed the lie that I was born this way or that I must be gay because everyone was saying its true.
Temptation is a slippery slope. I would fight and constantly be pulled back into the sin of homosexuality. As middle school ended, I found myself on a “spiritual high” and decided that I was going to do the right things (even though I wasn’t a Christian.) Entering into high school, I found myself trusting in God, but the temptation of pornography started coming back. I found myself acting on my temptation instead of fighting it. Freshmen year came and left.
Sophomore year was here. Basically this is where my transformation began. During a mission’s conference at my church, I gave my heart and life to Christ. In doing so, I thought that all my struggles would go away. Wow, was I wrong! If anything, the temptations were stronger than ever. I found myself back where I had started. I was so confused. I had so many questions and frustrations toward God and no one was there to give me answers. Although I was told that the office doors were always open, there was no help outside of the office.
Junior year came and I was doing good fighting my struggles, but they slowly came back into my life. This time around, my parents got involved. My parents ended up finding some messages and gave me the option to have my youth pastor involved. After having two useless days of counseling, I started doing the right thing again. Well sin slowly started working its way back into my life. This time it was through what was driving my life at the time, tennis. A random person on Facebook that lived in Raleigh messaged me and made small talk with me. Eventually he told me he was gay and I did nothing to stop the relationship. In the process, I was hurt emotionally. I let my guard down and turned my eyes away from God.
Through various circumstances that only God had control and protection over my life, I stopped talking to this guy. After this, everything seemed to be going well. I ended up getting a job in retail that summer. While first working there I got involved with a manager emotionally. Then it all changed. I went to Honduras for a month to visit my brother and his family. The first night I was there, the Father showed me everything that I would lose if I continued to act upon my temptations of homosexuality. That trip I made a vow to God that I would never talk to a guy romantically ever again and praise God, I have kept that vow.
From that night, I started on what I call, my journey of freedom.
Through various circumstances, the Father led me to North Greenville University to start my undergraduate studies. While here I serve on a ministry team called Joyful Sound that leads worship in churches on Sunday mornings. Through this ministry God started doing a work in my life. I met many people who heavily influenced my life, one being my roommate Jacob. We shared everything with each other and I finally realized what true community and transparency was. (The night we shared with each other our life stories, Satan started attacking me that very night with a desire to look at pornography.) In this time of our growing friendship, we started going to a college group on Wednesdays called Resonate. While there, the pastor, Chris Armfield, mentioned stories for four weeks straight about men finding freedom from homosexuality. This, of course, sparked my interest because I also struggled with that. Jacob began to encourage me to seek out help from Chris. Multiple times I said no. In fact, I said no for about three months. Well along came February and this was the month that God wrecked my life. With Jacob practically forcing me talk to Chris, I did so and told him everything and expressed my need for help. In doing so, he pointed me to my best friend and mentor Joe. From that night, I started on what I call, my journey of freedom. I proudly say that I would never go back to what I was doing before.
Our identity is in who Christ says we are! The Father can provide this same freedom for you!
Homosexuality brings no satisfaction. My identity is found in Christ and who He says I am. In Hebrews 4:15 the Bible says that Jesus struggled with all temptation. If Jesus struggled with all temptation, then that means Jesus was tempted by homosexual thoughts. But you know what is awesome? Jesus overcame that temptation by patterning His life after God the Father. God the Father lives within us, so if we pattern our lives after God the Father then we can overcome any temptation. Jesus being tempted by homosexual thoughts did not make Him a homosexual. Our temptations do not define who we are. Our identity is in who Christ says we are! The Father can provide this same freedom for you! All you have to do is believe and desire the freedom He is already giving you and walk in the way He calls you. I encourage you to seek out someone you can trust and just start the journey you are called to be on.