When faced with the choice of quitting or persevering, quitting can often be the harder, and braver, choice to make. Quitting cost us our pride. There are times we are chasing a dream, or achievement, skill that we just aren’t cut out to perform. There are times where we are striving to be someone God did not design us to be. Once, while in full time (40 hours a week) language school, I was frantically working to set up a company in order to obtain a business visa. Within a month of running around to different government buildings I had a nervous breakdown. After weeping in bed for three hours, I came to my senses. I was trying to operate outside of my lane of grace. I was trying to do something God wasn’t calling me to do, nor was He giving me grace. The weight I wrongly placed upon myself…Continue Reading
To love is to be vulnerable: to hand over your weapons to another, remove your armour. Crazy. Who does that? Love. He gave us the keys, the will not to choose him, the knife to wound him. He did not defend himself. And where did that get him? In the garden he made for us, alone. While we hid. And we went into the wilderness to build machines, to survive without him. We fortified our weakness with iron and steel, shined to a holy gleam. Our machines are mistake-proof: effective, professional, strong. Clanging, powerful gongs. We give our mechanical monsters many lovely names: church, revival, community. Words, stripped of the power of a vulnerable God. We surrender our childlikeness to become little pegs in the machine—trading authenticity for professionalism. Some pegs don’t make it. Too tragically fractured to fake it, not useful or strong enough. The broken ones are tossed…Continue Reading
When my husband and I first felt called to move to Kosovo, we had no plans to become missionaries. We loved serving people, representing Jesus, and all the other hallmarks of missions except for one important detail: we didn’t want to live on support. Though we’d both raised funds for missions in the past, we couldn’t stomach the idea of doing it long term. We didn’t want to be a charity case for our friends, and the whole thing seemed unsustainable. Surely God would prefer us being able to support ourselves where he sent us, right? I want to set the record straight: my supporters do a great work in me, every day. They are heart-changers, pride-demolishers. They point me to Jesus, over and over.  Wrong. God soon gave us a clear vision of what he was calling us to do, which would definitively require us to live on support. We…Continue Reading